By Vanessa Marie Dewsbury

What is Self Love anyway, and what exactly does it mean? Self Love means, loving and caring for yourself like you do someone you love. It means holding space for yourself from a place of love, compassion, empathy, and non-judgment. It's also doing healthy things for yourself that foster and nourish your mind, body, soul, and spirit. 

Love for self is so important, yet many of us don't give to ourselves the way we give to others. Why is that? Why do we not feel deserving or worthy of our own love? Well, it can be for many reasons, maybe we weren't loved the way we needed to be as a child and so we carried this unconscious belief that we aren't worthy of happy, healthy, and healing love. Maybe it's because we give to others so much of our lives, that we just don't know how to receive the very thing we give. Whatever the reason is, it's never to late to start working on how you show up for yourself and learning how to love every piece of who you are.

​First thing I want you to know is you are, without a doubt, worthy of the greatest love of all and it's up to you to give yourself what you innately need and desire. When you love and accept yourself for all that you are, you build a strong sense of confidence that is unwavering and unstoppable. It's beyond powerful. Believe me, I've been there, I've done the work, and now here I am sharing with you. I'm also still a work in progress, as we all are, but for me, it's not about perfection, it's about learning and growing as we go, and doing the very best we can from where we are.
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By Vanessa Marie Dewsbury

The Universe is full of abundance, you can find it everywhere you go, and everywhere you look. The truth is, many of us focus on all the things we don't have, instead of focusing on all the things we do have.

​When we focus on what we don't have, we tend to live in a state of lack with the desire to accumulate more and more in material things, never feeling satisfied or fulfilled. However taking time to recognize and acknowledge all the blessings we do have in our lives, will help create an abundant mindset that will leave you feeling like you have enough, and that you are enough.

​This beautiful state will bring you more freedom, joy, prosperity, and peace.

I realized many years ago that true success is created and cultivated from within. It is not defined by the size of our house or the kind of car we drive, true success is found in the richness of our life experiences and in the smiles of those we love.

​It’s important to know this because it helps us understand that success isn’t something we need to constantly chase or strive for externally, true success is found within, and it's from having gratitude for all that we already have.

I lived many years of my life in complete denial of my reality.

Denial of how unhappy I was. Denial of the fact that my relationships were not healthy. And denial of who I was, who I was really was, at the very core of my being. Living my life in denial meant I had to create masks for many occasions, and for many different people. It meant I had to go against the grain of my own soul, and of my wants and needs. And it meant denying myself the opportunity to experience true happiness and joy.

I'm not even sure I was aware of what I was doing. I had become accustomed to living against my true self, that it became a "normal" way of being. But deep down, I knew something wasn't right, I intuitively knew that what I was doing was not serving me, or anyone else. I was not living in alignment with my truth and my heart. I was not being honest with myself.

I remember all the excuses I gave to others, and to myself. I remember trying to justify my choices because others questioned my happiness, they could see right through me. They felt my suffering, they sensed my inauthenticity.

It came to a point where I was beginning to experience severe anxiety and health issues. Because I was not living "in truth" with my hearts deepest desires, things started showing up in my physical being. I was out of balance and alignment with my self and with my soul.

I needed to do something and I knew what I needed to do.  I had to get honest with myself, really, truly and deeply honest with everything. I had to lay it all on the table and look at where I was, what I was doing, and most importantly, why I was doing it. I had to understand myself, and my choices.

So I sunk right in and I went deep. I realized there was so much "unconscious" stuff going on beneath the surface that it was dictating my choices and controlling my decisions. I knew the moment I got honest with myself, everything would change. And it did.

​Sometimes we want things to be, and to appear so perfect to others that we sacrifice our own soul, and we often do this for acceptance. We neglect our truth and what our heart really wants because we fear what others will think, what we will think of ourselves, and we fear the outcome of change, and of uncertainty. So we live our lives without being truthful to ourselves. Not just in relationships but in other areas of our lives as well such as our careers. We go about our days being who we are expected to be just to please others, we wear the masks we create, and we force a fixed smile to hide the tears that are screaming to come out.

We lie to ourselves until we decide to tell ourselves the truth.

Honesty is healing, it brings change, and it sets you free. It brings new breath and new life to your lungs. It's the key to unlocking your truth, your authenticity and your true self.

The most important thing I tell myself often, and as morbid as it may sound, is that I am going to die one day. And I refuse to die with the beautiful essence of who I am buried beneath a mask of someone who I am not.

​It's okay to admit your marriage isn't working, that you do not like your job, it's alright to leave friendships that drain you and make you feel bad about yourself. Because at the end of the day, if your heart isn't in it, you shouldn't be either.

Trust yourself enough to get honest with yourself, and give yourself permission to be you, in a world where everyone expects you to be someone else.
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When you know something or someone in your life is unhealthy or unproductive, that you have grown beyond where they are and where they want to keep you, you must let go. If you tell yourself you do not see it when you do, or if you tell yourself it will get better, you are not being honest with yourself. Stop trying to fix things or change things. Simply let go.
​
Iyanla Vanzant

Article written by Vanessa Marie Dewsbury

"I help guide and support women on their Healing and Spiritual Journey in Life and Business." ​

There's a funny thing we, as humans, often do. We try to resist what is. We don't accept our lives as they are, and eventually we become resentful for things not turing out the way we expected, the way we planned.

Here's the thing, if we aren't happy or content with an aspect of our lives, we need to do something to change it, and change can not happen without intention and action. We need to recognize what's not working for us. But it's also important to accept where we are, as resistance only causes us grief, anger, resentment, and frustration. Which is fine to a point; sometimes this is what fuels change, however, if this is a constant state, something will eventually give.

On the flip side, if you are one who planned your entire life, but it did not go according to your plan, and you refuse to accept your life as it is, you simply can not enjoy it or appreciate it. You can't be completely happy living in resistance.

I was talking to a friend recently who appeared to have a lovely life. She had sweet children, a caring husband, and a great career, but she often spoke about how she thought she would be living somewhere else, and that she had only planned to have one child, not two. She would "complain" that life wasn't what she thought it would be, and it really bothered her, enough to talk about it quite frequently.

She was caught up in the fact that life had happened beyond her control, and that it had a plan of its own. Her ego was trapped in what should have been and she was unconsciously and consciously refusing to allow herself to accept the beautiful life she had. I shared with her the importance of acceptance, and how the more she resisted her life, the more she resented her life. I also spoke about gratitude and how life-changing it can truly be. When we are thankful for everything and everyone around us, it puts us in a state of peace and contentment, and takes us out of a state of constant need, want, and resistance. 

I had my friend write a physical letter to the Universe and I suggested she write out every angry word she needed to get out of her system. Why she was angry, and how angry she was that her life was't what she expected and planned. I then had her shift emotions to acceptance and gratitude, thanking the Universe for her beautiful family, her amazing husband and her fruitful career. This "simple" act of writing the letter, completely released the resistance and deep upset she had held onto for so many years.

It changed everything for her. She found, and felt joy again.

Happiness can exist only in acceptance. – George Orwell

We need to remember that while we are in control of ourselves, we have no control over every outcome. We can't control what the Universe delivers to us and decides we need for our growth, and for our journey. If we can come to a place of acceptance, of every element cast upon us, and choose how we respond to each outcome, we can then find true peace within.

Acceptance simply means being okay with what is, embracing what is, and not giving time or attention to what isn't. Because what isn't, wasn't meant to be. We can end our own suffering when we accept with grace what life delivers to us. Understand the Universe is always supporting you. 

Remember you aren't expected to accept circumstances that aren't healthy for you, or serving you purpose. If that is where you are, perhaps it's time to dig deep within your soul and recognize what needs to change and move forward with courage to make those necessary changes that your heart is asking for.

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. – Lao Tzu

Article written by Vanessa Marie Dewsbury

"I help guide and support women on their Healing and Spiritual Journey in Life and Business." ​

​For the longest time I would feel guilty for taking time for myself, for spending the day not doing anything at all. I would beat myself up if I wasn't being "productive," and I"d shame myself for simply resting.

Some days I just wanted to relax however I would feel badly, telling myself I was being lazy and that I should be doing something. I would think of all the housework that needed to be done, all the blogs I wanted to write, and the business I needed to finish. Even when I was "relaxing," I was never really relaxing, my mind would not stop. The inner critic would not let me be.

It was getting so bad that my self care needs were not being met and, in turn, I would slowly burn out. This happened every few months. I would become so depleted that it felt like I had no energy, I would be in pain and I would suffer emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I was ignoring the mind, body, and soul connection: the most important connection of all as it keeps us in balance and harmony.

I needed to stop feeling badly for taking time for myself and I needed to stop feeling guilty and shameful for putting my needs first.

Something needed to change. I couldn't keep having these "body and soul breakdowns" every few months; it wasn't healthy for me or those around me.

While I was experiencing feelings of guilt during some down time one afternoon, a thought came to me. I could give myself permission to be still. So I said out loud to myself, "I give myself permission to be, to rest, to take time for myself. And I give myself permission to put my work and household duties on hold for the day while I fill my soul up with self love, self care, and undivided attention."

The moment I gave myself permission, my soul let out a sigh of relief; my body relaxed and I could feel a sense of ease in the very cells of my body. I could breathe more deeply. It was beautiful, it was powerful.

I soon incorporated this "tool" into my Spiritual Tool Box, but not only in regards to giving myself permission, but also situations and people. I discovered that when I gave permission for things to turn out differently than I had anticipated, and for situations with people to happen as they needed to, I was no longer bothered or upset by the outcome like I used to be. I was not disappointed because I had no expectation of how things should go, and how things should be. 

Remember when you were younger and you needed permission from your parents to do all the things you wanted to do, you bugged and you begged for it? Once permission was "granted", you were free to do the very thing you wanted to do. That's how it feels to give yourself permission. And when we consciously and energetically give permission for external circumstances to happen as they shall, you feel less stressed because you're no longer trying to control what "should be."

We can be very hard on ourselves at times, and we can forget and neglect the importance of mind, body, and soul connection. But the truth is, in order to be able to give as best we can, we need to take time to just be, and just breathe.

If you want to experience true freedom and a lot less stress, start by giving yourself permission to do the things you need to do, and for things to be the way they need to be.

“An empty lantern provides no light. Self-care is the fuel that allows your light to shine brightly.”
– Unknown

​Article written by Vanessa Marie Dewsbury

"I help guide and support women on their Healing and Spiritual Journey in Life and Business." 

Why it’s OK to get your kids’ backs when the going gets tough.

I’m a mom of a boy, and any moms of boys out there know that there’s something special between moms and sons. But it wasn’t until I had a son of my own that I truly understood that bond.

When he was a baby he was my everything. He still is, but it’s taken on a new meaning. While I still have to meet his needs as a mom, I realized a couple of years ago that as he gets older I need to meet his emotional needs…times a thousand. It’s not just about hugging and kissing when they have a bad dream.  Hold on to your hats, parents. It gets harder.

I haven’t shied away from talking about Cooper’s struggles in grade one. He didn’t adjust well to the transition of play-based learning to the structure of the primary grades. I watched as he grew more and more angry and frustrated, full of anxiety about doing school work. It escalated to him throwing things around the classroom, wiping things off the principal’s desk and getting sent home on a regular basis. Emotions ran high as we were all trying to figure out what was going on in his tiny head to make him so angry. We followed the teacher’s plan to consequence him at home if he had a troubling day at school. AFTER he was consequenced all day by the teacher. He was sometimes afraid to see me after school.

I watched him become sad and confused. He called himself a “bad boy.” If he wasn’t in tears, he was angry. If we were confused as parents, I can only imagine how confused he was. No one was listening to him and he was in trouble all the time. He felt he had nowhere to turn to.

While I wanted to get to the root of the problem, the teachers were after something else. One teacher told me he was the “most aggressive child we’ve seen without a diagnosis.” He was six. At six years-old they were looking for a diagnosis, and we knew what that meant. Test him for ADHD. We refused.

It wasn’t until April of that year, that the struggles came to a head, and I truly became the mama bear. Things weren’t getting better with Cooper, so we were called to a meeting at the school. I remember sitting at that table with the school principal, vice principal, teacher and special education teacher, telling me and my husband that our kid didn’t fit in a box. Eluding and to the fact that he needed to be tested. I remember saying, he’s only six! In my mind, jumping to the ADHD theory before examining all other angles wasn’t the answer. I know many parents have tested their kids and had great success. I just wanted to make sure it was the right choice, with my doctor too.  Plus, as a mom, you kind of just know there’s more to your kid!

We left the meeting with a safety plan and IEP, and a lump in my throat. How could they say my son was something at school that he wasn’t at home? Why wouldn’t they work with me to find other solutions? Most of all, why was everyone else against this kid, except me? I was livid, hurt and so confused.
That day ignited something in me that I hadn’t felt before. I knew right then and there that no one would be his advocate more than me. No one would be his biggest fan more than me. Two years later, that is still true. I now take a huge role in his academics. I work with his teachers (all who have been absolutely wonderful) to ensure we are on the same page and agree on how to handle my son. I am fierce in my way of parenting which is positive and firm but offer a lot of love. I don’t consequence at home if he is in trouble for something at school that is handled by the teachers. We talk about it but he won’t get second consequences at home. I want him to feel safe at home, emotionally and physically.

Over the years he has taken great strides and has eliminated the IEP and the safety plan and hasn’t been sent home. His behaviour problems have gone away and he thrives with some great friendships with peers and teachers. Is that because he felt like there are people on his side now? We have no clue, but whatever happened, it worked.

I’m still a mama bear. That will never go away. I’ll always be his biggest advocate and I won’t apologize for it. And if he is a mama’s boy when he’s older, that’s ok. I’m married to one, and he’s a pretty good guy!

Written by Apryl Monro from This Kinda Life! Check them out!

Sarah Lajeunesse and Apryl Munro became fast friends while working together as news Videographers with Rogers TV in Simcoe County in 2004. They covered countless breaking news stories over the years and learned so much about the area, the people and the community as a whole.

Vanessa Marie Dewsbury
Reiki Master | Spiritual Life Coach | Best Selling Author
"heart is where the home is"
Available on Amazon.ca & Amazon.com

The Magic Of The New Moon

The New Moon is magical to me. I love connecting with the powerful energies it brings forth as I take the opportunity to set new goals or renew past goals, and connect to the powerful energies that flow within me, and all around me. I like to perform a New Moon Ritual, which I share with you here.

New Moon Significance

Sun and Moon
When the Moon is new, the Luminaries -- the  Sun and Moon -- are aligned in the same Zodiac sign.  That makes it a charged time with concentrated energies of that sign.  A New Moon is a symbolic point of attention, and a symbolic portal for new beginnings.

New Moon Intentions

A New Moon is the perfect time to set new goals and intentions and to be clear about the visions you hold and wish to manifest into your reality. In the New Moon's energies, you can be open to receiving and allowing spirit to bring you any messages you may need at this time; it's important to be still and listen. When we are still and silent, we can better tap into the messages from the Universe, and from our own intuition as well.

New Moon Ritual
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Prepare a space for your New Moon Ritual, preferably a place where you won't be distracted or disturbed. Cleanse and clear the space with sage or essential oils, and bring in any crystals or sacred pieces you would like to have present during your ritual. If possible, place the crystals/stones on a window ledge and allow the New Moon energy to cleanse them during your ritual. Light candles and or incense if you wish, as it can add a peaceful energy to the space. Be mindful of leaving your candles lit and be sure to blow them out!

Get yourself grounded and calm as you tap into the New Moon's energy. Breathe in its clear, powerful and abundant energy and breathe out any self doubt and negativity you may be holding. Review and reflect on your future goals and intentions or if you would like to renew old goals, envision those as well and see them in your mind as if they have already come to fruition. Feel with every cell of your body your dreams already created into reality, experience the emotions this manifestation would bring. After you have spent time reflecting and visualizing, write your goals down in a journal or note pad.

Also write down the intentions and actions you plan to take in the manifestation of your goals and dreams as well as the Why. Your Why is the reason you want these particular dreams and goals to manifest, and if your Why isn't clear and precise, it will be reflected in the outcome. And remember, we co-create our reality with the Universe, think of it as team work. It's never just a matter of stating what you want and then not taking action, it's about taking part and full responsibility in achieving all that you desire, and the Universe will always be there to support you!

Intention and action is everything.

New Moon Reflection
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The New Moon energy is also a wonderful opportunity to empower yourself. To release any self doubt you have been harboring within. It is a time to let go of all that is holding you back and it's a time to step into the power of who you really are. A beautiful, brilliant and bold soul who is ready and willing to stand in your own light and embrace all that you are.

See yourself standing tall and confident in a serene field of flowers with the warm sunlight pouring onto your shoulders. Feel how it would feel to love and accept all that you are without worry of what others may think. Understand that you are a unique being and there never has, nor will there ever be, another You. With the New Moon, you can tap into the New You.

After your New Moon Ceremony, express your gratitude to the Moon's energy and be thankful for bringing to you all that you need in order to turn your dreams into physical reality.

“In order to live a healthy, happy and prosperous life, and fulfill the reason we are each here – our mission and purpose – we must return to our natural state of being, centered in and identified with spirit.”
Heidi DuPre

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Mindful Breath Meditation, as I refer to it, is the act of practicing Meditation guided by your breath.

Many of us tend to have a bit of difficulty practicing Meditation. Being still and silent can be tricky in a world where we are constantly being bombarded by distractions at our every turn. So to sit and be still with ourselves, and to quiet our thoughts can be some what of a challenge. But with practice. patience and perseverance, it can be done.

Mindful Breath Meditation is simply using your breath as your guide.

I intentionally prepare the space for my Meditation by dimming or turning off any lights, lighting a few candles, cleansing the room with sage or lighting incense. I like to play the sound of gentle water trickling down a stream as my background noise. Creating this environment each time unconsciously and consciously tells my body that it will be entering into the act of connecting within to mind, body, soul and spirit.

I begin my Meditation practice by doing what I call a "Chakra Awakening." I do this by tapping each Chakra starting at the crown (top of head) seven times each until I reach my base/root Charka, (bottom of spine). I then do a "body scan" and see where I may be holding onto any tension or stress and I relax the body parts that were holding on. I visualize pure, clean and clear white light filling up my body starting at the crown on every in-breath and on each out-breath I envision all stress and tension from the day leaving my body through the bottoms of my feet.

Anytime a thought comes up and my mind wanders as it definitely does, I simply observe the thought then "wave" it away. I remain from any judgment or expectations of self and I just let it all be, exactly what it is, in that moment.

I also like to hold smooth crystals in the palms of my hands during my Meditation. The stones act as a reminder for me to return to the breath when my mind has wandered off. Because our unconscious mind is so powerful, I set the intention of using the stones as reminders when I begin.

I end my meditation practice by taking three deep breaths as I offer gratitude for the air that fills my lungs and for my peaceful home in which I reside.

I truly feel that we can master the art of Meditation by making it a ritual and preparing ourselves each time. The preparation of the ritual will become ingrained into our cellular memory and begin to create a habit.

It's also important to remember that there is no "right" way or "wrong" way to practice Meditation. I believe many people avoid Meditation because they think of the Buddha sitting in perfect posture with his mind clear of thoughts. But the truth is, we can't clear away all of our thoughts and empty our mind but we can certainly slow the thoughts down. And like all things, it takes a lot of practice, time and intentional effort to achieve any goal we wish to meet.

Starting off with a Mindful Breath Meditation even five minutes a day can begin your journey to a beautiful and soulful Meditation practice. Consciously connecting within to our mind, body, soul and spirit can ultimately be life changing and have powerful and profound effects in your internal, and external world.

"If you can resist the impulse to claim each and every thought as your own, you will come to a startling conclusion: you will discover that you are the consciousness in which the thoughts appear and disappear." – Annamalai Swami

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Reiki Energy Healing is one of the most gentle and non-evasive forms of healing.

Reiki is the method of tapping into the Universal Life Force Energy that surrounds us and using that energy to heal the imbalances and blockages we can hold within our bodies.  These blockages can be caused from stress, illness, past pain, trauma and more.

When we hold onto the energy of emotions we experienced in our past, it remains present in our unconscious energy field and travels throughout our body like "free radical energy".  Reiki helps to release these blockages by allowing the body to go into a calm and relaxing state by connecting with our mind, body and spirit.  The white, loving light of Reiki travels from the crown chakra, (the top of the head), down to the feet.  Many people report feeling a release through both their head and feet, as well as a feeling of lightness within, like a  weight has been lifted.

I've had many clients tell me they felt like their brain was "whooshing" around in their skull. Others say they could feel the energy moving from one side of their head to the other.  When working on the crown chakra, Reiki Practitioners are working on balancing the right and left brain hemispheres, so it's no wonder people can feel what is energetically taking place.

During a treatment clients often feel the Reiki Practitioner's hands places they are not. The theory is that it is the hands of Spirit Guides and/or Angels we call upon to assist us during the treatments.  I've had clients open their eyes to see where I am because the sensation of the hands on their body feels very apparent. The sensation is not unsettling, but rather soothing, loving and comforting.

Reiki also helps with injury and pain relief by traveling to the point of pain and dissipating the accumulation of energy. Often the client will feel the pain more intensely when its been  "awakened," but soon feel relief once the stuck energy is releasing.

Reiki has also been known to help with stress relief.  We live in a society where we can feel bombarded by the stresses of our jobs, our home life and even those around us. We hold onto this stress and carry it around with us like a weight on our shoulders all day, every day. The beautiful thing about Reiki is that it can help relieve this stress by allowing the body to relax into a deep state and releasing from our conscious and unconscious energy what simply does not serve us purpose. It allows us to put our life into perspective and helps us understand that all that stress and those little worries aren't always as "important" as we think they are.

Stress can do damage to our bodies. I believe it is the root cause of many illnesses and dis-ease. It can even interfere with our cortisol and hormone levels, and affect our bodies ability to conceive. I've treated six clients who were dealing with infertility issues. After receiving continual Reiki Sessions (about four sessions), they were able to conceive after releasing their stress and balancing their hormones. It's pretty amazing! You can read more about Reiki and infertility HERE.

There are so many wonderful things to be said about Reiki Energy Healing.

A lot of times a Reiki Practitioner isn't even aware of what's happening "behind the scenes". We just hold space for our clients, visualize loving and healing light, send positive intentions for the person, and allow the Universal Life Force Energy to do its magic.

"A healer does not heal you. A healer is someone who holds space
for you while you awaken your inner healer, so you may heal yourself."
Maryam Hasnaa

If you have any questions about Reiki or if you would like to share your own experience or book a session, please get in touch with me or comment below.
I look forward to connecting with you!  soulalivebarrie@gmail.com